The Science
Numerous scientific studies have found that our relationships are the single greatest factor affecting our health, happiness, and longevity.
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The 80-year old Harvard Study for Adult Development (the longest longitudinal study of its kind) has found that our social ties are better predictors of how long we live and how happy we are than our social class, IQ or genes. To give you an idea of just how powerful our relationships are, the Harvard Study found that our satisfaction with our relationships at age 50 is a much better predictor of our health at 80 years of age than our cholesterol levels are. We cannot talk about our health and wellness without talking about our relationships.
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An important finding of the Harvard Study is that it’s not the number of
relationships that we have that matter but the quality of our relationships
that keeps us happy and living longer. Close relationships based on empathy
and trust, where we feel seen and understood, that give us comfort when we are hurting are the relationships that nurture our well-being and happiness.
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Sadly, as we learn about the primacy of our social ties to our health and happiness, Americans are feeling more lonely than ever. According to Cigna’s 2020 Loneliness Report, 61% of Americans report feeling lonely. The generations that are the most digitally connected are paradoxically the ones who describe feeling the most alone, with nearly 8 in 10 Gen Z adults (18-22) and 7 in 10 Millennials (23-37) reporting that they are lonely compared with half of Boomers. One reason Cigna gives for America’s loneliness epidemic is “a lack of social support and infrequent meaningful social connections.” The internet may be expanding our virtual connections, but it is also causing many of us to spend less in-person, quality time with our close friends and family.
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Our emotional isolation from one another is a hazardous development for us humans since we are a social species hard-wired to connect. In a meta-analysis involving 74 studies and over 3 million people, psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad found that social isolation, loneliness, or living alone boosts the chance of a premature death at least as much as obesity, physical activity, and air pollution. Examining the data from the numerous studies, Holt-Lunstad calculates that loneliness increases the risk of an earlier death by 26%, independent of a person’s health behavior. High-blood pressure may be the silent killer. Loneliness is the secret one.
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Why is loneliness so detrimental to our physical health? Studies have found that feeling alone causes the release of the stress hormone cortisol, which is associated with high-blood pressure and an increased risk of cardiovascular disease and cancer. Loneliness also disrupts our sleep, which can negatively impact our immune system and its ability to fight disease. Loneliness can also impair our cognitive functioning, especially as we age. A meta-analysis of 51 articles on the subject concluded that “low levels of social activity and poor social networks were significantly associated with poor cognitive function later in life.”
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Tree of Knowledge, by Hilma af Klint (print available)
We Americans are lonely and we are in pain. And this is not meant metaphorically. Our feelings of being socially isolated are causing us real physical pain. Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman has discovered that the same neural networks in our brains that process physical pain are also used to process social rejection. As Lieberman puts it in his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, a broken heart feels a lot like a broken leg. The most shocking discovery of Lieberman’s research is that Tylenol can actually remove these effects on our brain caused by feeling socially isolated. Just like we take Tylenol to get rid of a headache, we can also take Tylenol to relieve the anguish we feel from social separation and loss. As far as our brains are concerned, social pain is real physical pain.
Her and Her, by Explicit Design (print available)
People with strong social ties are 50% more likely to live longer than people with weaker social connections.
from a meta-analysis of 148 studies involving over 300,000 people
Follow Me, by Frank Moth (print available)
The scientific evidence is in and it’s frankly overwhelming. The most enjoyable, rewarding and beneficial way to invest in our health and happiness is to invest in our relationships. So, what are you waiting for? Make a commitment to grow the love and intimacy you experience in your relationships. Do it for yourself and for your loved ones. You can start your co-mindfulness practice here.